Last-Minute Support Of The Care Bears & Rainbow Bright Propels Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner To Supreme Leader Of The “Michigan Militia” 

Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner
Ted Visner and Dani Austin’s love shack will serve as the “Interim Command Center” for Ted Visner’s militia.

Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner has declared himself Supreme Leader of the Michigan Militia. Consequently, Ted Visner proclaimed posted on his website he was taking “command” of the Michigan Militia. Visner told The Morning Sun Newspaper that he:

Didn’t ask for this responsibility but I can not turn my back on the Duty I owe my fellow statesmen.

Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner is assuming others are living off the government like he is. The meetings will be held every Wednesday at the “Interim Command Headquarters.” The HQ is actually the love shack he is squatting in that belongs to his ex-girlfriend.

The real militia groups across Michigan had no idea what he was talking about. The nearly 20 militia groups claim Ted Visner is not and has never been a member. Nearly all the groups have issued a joint statement disavowing any connection to Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner. 

Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner skated out of Washington state owing nearly $25,000 in unpaid child support payments,

The commanding officer of the Michigan Militia Corp. in Lapeer, Michigan told The Morning Sun:

Visner is not associated with the Lapeer group or any other Constitutional militia in Michigan. I have open communication with other militia groups around the state also and can guarantee that he has NO association with any of them, either.

The Visnerica Militia

Visner created his own militia made up of his collection of stuffed animals and GI Joe action figures. Visner has passionately named the “Michigan Militia”.

Neighbors say Visner seemed more agitated than normal on Friday. They say he was watching reruns of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood on the local PBS affiliate. Then they noticed Visner had become obsessed with raising an army of the proletariat to overthrow the tyrannical King Friday. Visner believes the tyrannical King Friday rules Make Believe Land with an iron fist. 

Deadbeat Dad Ted Visner has yet to name his inner cabinet. Observers speculate that Polly Prissypants will be Secretary andPeter Panda will be Treasurer. Rumple Toughskin will serve as Second-In-Command and Muscle Man Mark will be Ted Visner’s personal bodyguard. Rumor has it that Ted Visner likes his curves.

Clyde Frog will be in charge of membership and recruitment. The Care Bears and the Beanie Babies will make up an infantry under the command of Brigadier General Funshine Bear with Cobra Commander and Destro leading the covert ops and guerrilla warfare divisions of the militia.

Write A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Ready to get started?

Speak to a specialist at (888) 737-6344